Gettin' the write off?

I have spent a ton of m'hard earned benjies purchasing king size velour jumpsuits and gold bling for my job as a ghetto fabulous reverand/retired cop (not to mention all the velour and bling that I have purchased for my homeboys, homeboys, home, home, homeboys upstate in the pen), and I want to know if I can write any of it off. I am tired of laboring under the rules of the man, and I need these deductibles to suit m'needs. How can I write them off without the IRS tryin' to front on m'game?